Cracks

coral reefs, mahjong and me

Every once in a while, I’ll share a “big girl” book I’m reading. I've usually got at least one going per month for my book club, but there is one I’ve been savoring slow lately. You’re going to laugh at the title . . . Chasing Slow by Erin Loechner.

You know when you can’t stop talking about a book? This is one of those books. I first heard about it when the author, Erin Loechner, was interviewed on the Writing Off Socials podcast (which, by the way, I highly recommend). At the time, I was in the throes of marketing The Minor Rescue and feeling drained. Just the title was appealing to me. I wanted to chase slow.

It’s beautifully designed, and I can read it in small bites because the chapters are nice and short. Loechner’s words keep hitting me right where I’m tender. Like the morning after returning from a vacation where I snorkeled amongst coral that was incredibly vibrant and bright and alive. I was jet-lagged, my hair dried out from salt water and sun, and not quite ready to deal with the real world again. That morning I read:

“Do you know how a coral reef is created? It’s formed by its own breakdowns. It cracks from the wind, the water, the elements, and then something new and vibrant is created in its place. Its very shape changes . . . The break itself is the beauty.”

Oof. Despite the vacation, I was feeling broken. Partly from the weary season of marketing, which is such a results-oriented gig. But also because I had a manuscript I’d been working on forever and I just couldn’t seem to gain traction. I’d start and stop. I was over-critical of my first draft. It was an ever-present stress. Between that and the marketing, I’d been distracted from my husband and family. I hadn’t been cooking or working out like I used to. My back had hurt for too long. Crack, crack, crack. My son and his wife had to leave their home after finding mold. Crack. I had a septic field that was failing. Basically, life. More cracks. I kept reading as Erin related a conversation she had with her friend, Mara.

“I had been basing my value on circumstances I couldn’t control . . . on motherhood, on my job, on my status as a good wife. And when I failed in those areas, my worth took a hit . . . you get to decide. It’s your choice. You get to decide to place your worth somewhere else. In something else. In something beyond circumstances.”

A little later, Erin said, “sometimes choppy waters teach us to sail better.”

Wow. Choppy waters, broken coral, beauty rising from ashes . . . I felt the cloud lifting. While with my friends on that vacation, I learned how to play mahjong. One of the symbols on the dominoes is called a crack. My friend has a special set that is ocean-themed, and the “cracks” are little corals. And here was Erin Loechner, talking about coral. And cracks. Coincidence? I think not. I kept reading.

“When we define ourselves as women and men of God or of Love or of Light or of whatever name forces us out of the small role we are playing into the gloriously intricate story woven into this world, our worth is no longer in question.

We are loved.

We are loved by God.

We are love.”

It was like Erin, or God, or both of them reached out of the pages of that book and gave me a hug, topped off my coffee, and sent me on my way feeling a little lighter. What book has done that for you? If you’re still looking for one, try Chasing Slow.

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About me: My name is Meredith Davis, and I’m an award winning writer of middle grade books, a former indie bookseller, founder of the Austin chapter of the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators and graduate of Vermont College of Fine Arts with an MFA in Writing for Children and Young Adults. Find teaching resources and author visit information on my website at www.meredithldavis.com. Mother to three, Nana to one and counting, I live with my husband and a crazy doodle in Austin, Texas.